1) Someone leaked to the L.A. Times that Arnold had fathered a child with a member of his household staff.

2) A list of his female employees was created.

3) Background checks were run on the female employees to identify those with children of ages fitting the relevant timeline. This revealed that Mildred was currently divorced and her son was born on 10/7/1997. The journalist would’ve then dug deeper into Mildred’s background, pulling the boy’s birth certificate and Mildred’s divorce records.

4) The boy’s birth certificate listed the father as the man Mildred Baena was married to at the time. Ok, this seems in line.

5) However, the divorce records revealed that Mildred and her husband separated less than three weeks after her son was born and, contradicting the birth certificate, indicate that the couple had no children. This contradiction, as well as the timing of the separation (likely when Mildred confessed her affair), is a huge red flag and would’ve made Mildred suspect number one.

6) Property records indicate Baena purchased a home last June in Bakersfield, California, about 100 miles from the Schwarzenegger home in the Brentwood section of Los Angeles, for $268,000. Journalists then surely descended in droves on Baena’s house.

YourTango.com reported the following from a recent poll of its online readers:

- 76% of women and 70% of men have looked up an ex on the internet
- 59% of people remain Facebook friends with an ex after they’ve broken up
- 50% of women and 40% of men (including 42% of married folks) say they look at their ex’s Facebook or other online profile too often

At the same time, 81% of divorce lawyers have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years, according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). 66% list Facebook as the primary source of this type of evidence, while MySpace follows with 15%, Twitter at 5%, and other choices listed by 14%. Check out my earlier blog post on how social networking can wreck your divorce for more details.

The bottom line is that more people are using social networking websites to start an affair, and those websites are then used as evidence by their spurned husbands and wives in their subsequent divorce. So be aware that if you’re going to Facebook friend your old college girlfriend or boyfriend, your future ex-spouse will use your wall postings and “pokes” as digital evidence when you divorce.

I would estimate that 90% of people that call me with infidelity-related cases ask something about reading their spouse’s email, text messages, etc. And typically they are asking if we can assist them by providing them the ability to read these electronic messages. I always tell them the same thing, that while it may sound odd, ridiculous, unfair, etc., it’s most likely illegal for them to do this. Without going into all the case law and legal mumbo jumbo pertaining to this matter, I’ll try to explain when it is ok to read these emails.

Essentially, someone can read their spouse’s email if the email is saved on a shared computer, meaning one which both parties use regularly and are aware that the other spouse uses as well. But while the defendant in this case wishes that was the only requirement, it’s not. The second piece of the puzzle is that the spouse’s email would have to be visible to the other person while they were using the computer in a typical manner. Translation: If the spouse leaves their Outlook Inbox open when the other person jumps onto the family computer, leaving their email in plain view for the world to see, it’s likely legal for someone to read it.

But normal usage of the family computer usually does not include logging into the spouse’s email account. And while Mr. Walker appears to be depending on this for his defense, it’s still most likely illegal even if the spouse leaves their password out in plain view for the world to see. A TV host used a great credit card metaphor for why the password being in plain view isn’t a viable excuse. He correctly stated that even if he left his credit card on his co-host’s desk, so that she had all the information necessary to use it, it would still be a crime if she did use it. People can pretty much assume that if they have to login to their spouse’s email account, it’s illegal.

You’re probably thinking all of the things that I’ve heard argued by spouses on the phone, including it’s their wife/husband, so how can it be illegal to read their email. Or some try the “I paid for the damn computer, so I can read anything I want” rationale. I’ve heard them all, and I agree with most justifications, but my agreement doesn’t make them any less illegal. So in a nutshell, if you have to login to your spouse’s email account in order to read the messages, you better have a notarized authorization from the spouse giving you permission to read their email. Most divorce cases we’ve worked on, or that I’ve ever even heard of, involved someone reading a spouse’s email in what would technically constitute an illegal manner. So if Mr. Walker gets convicted, I predict the wheels of justice will be stopped or slowed to a crawl, since there will be a flood of people charged with the same crime.

In her new book, Lasting Transformation, psychologist Dr. Abby Rosen coined a term which applies to the egomaniacal, control freak, womanizing, prone to violent outbursts Mel Gibson kind of guy: NCCDPD. NCCDPD stands for “Narcissistic, Critical, Controlling and Domineering Personality Disorder”, but should mean only one thing to a woman considering marrying a guy who has it: Run for the hills. But how would a woman without a degree in psychology figure out whether her future husband fits the NCCDPD mold? Well, before making a decision about HER future, she ought to take look at HIS (her significant other’s) past.

Dr. Rosen’s book points out that men from a particular background may have a greater propensity to develop NCCDPD, and like all good disorders it starts with childhood and parents. The story goes something like this: Boy with hyper critical control freak parents develops feelings of unmet needs, needs which he later seeks to fulfill as an adult man at any cost and at the expense of others. The “nothing is ever good enough” anxiety filled childhood sets the stage for men who get anxious when they feel vulnerable, and greater vulnerability equals greater anxiety. But that’s not really the problem, since if these men could just say ‘serenity now’ (for the Seinfeld fans) whenever they got anxious, the world would have one less disorder/acronym. The problem is that the NCCDPD men “express” their anxiety through anger and rage, and if you’re Mel Gibson, a whole lot of profanity.

For the unmarried female readers, who are now sufficiently terrified that they’re dating or engaged to a guy with NCCDPD, there are warning signs. Traits to be on the lookout for include selfishness, egotism, an inability to be empathetic, a need to be the center of attention, and an excessive desire for admiration. When he feels the women aren’t meeting his needs, the NCCDPDs either become critical and controlling, or withdraw affection as a form of punishment.

And for the women who are now depressed after realizing they’re married to an NCCDPD, there is good and bad news: The good news is you can have a lasting relationship; the bad news is it won’t be a healthy one. The problem is controlling men tend to marry “pleasers” and “caretakers”, women who are inherently drawn to NCCDPD type men. These relationships will usually only come to an end when the NCCDPD finds someone who better meets his needs, or the “caretaker” gets fed up and finally speaks her mind.

Below is a short list of social networking mistakes people often make which can impact both divorce settlements (aka $$$) and child custody, and some suggested solutions:

1. “Showing Off”: Posting photos or comments about your latest vacation to Martha’s Vineyard, or the Hermes bag you just got might make you feel good, but it could also color the court’s opinion of your finances, spending habits, etc.

2. “Letting It All Hang Out”: If you are locked in a custody battle, and your lawyer paints you as the “prefers to spend Friday night at home with a good book” type, make sure your soon to be ex can’t refute that image with an endless slideshow of you partying with bottles of tequila/rum/vodka in your hands.

3. “Getting Tagged”: While taking down the party photos you posted yourself, remove the photos your friends tagged you in where you’re passed out in the corner of a bar drooling all over yourself.

4. “Venting”: While slandering the judge, attorneys, or soon to be ex-spouse on your own or other peoples “pages” is tempting, you’re better off following the “if you don’t have anything nice to say….” adage, since venting may ultimately be used against you.

5. “Cutting Off Everyone At Once”: While natural instinct might be to immediately excommunicate the soon to be ex in-laws and any friend remotely associated with the soon to be ex-spouse, slowly weeding them out may look less suspicious (unless the divorce is already a bloodbath, in which case mass excommunication is A-OK).

And here are a few final warnings, designed to help you get through the divorce process with few bruises, bumps and scars, and the best looking balance sheet possible:

1. “What You Say Can and Will Be Used Against You”: If you aren’t prepared to stand up in court and present/communicate/show it, DON’T put it on Facebook.

2. “Beware of Your Frenemies”: Most divorcing couples’ mutual friends choose or are forced to choose sides at some point. So, if you wouldn’t say it directly to the soon to be ex-spouse, DON’T say it to anyone who might tell them (the “better safe than sorry” strategy).

3. “A Picture May Be Worth Big Bucks”: Don’t let a photo of you on an Aruban beach, groping the half naked “friend” with whom you swore in court you had a STRICTLY platonic relationship, double your alimony payments (or halve them if you’re the alimony “payee”).

4. “Privacy, Privacy, Privacy”: Social networking sites have privacy settings. Find them, learn them, and most importantly USE THEM.