YourTango.com reported the following from a recent poll of its online readers:

- 76% of women and 70% of men have looked up an ex on the internet
- 59% of people remain Facebook friends with an ex after they’ve broken up
- 50% of women and 40% of men (including 42% of married folks) say they look at their ex’s Facebook or other online profile too often

At the same time, 81% of divorce lawyers have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years, according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). 66% list Facebook as the primary source of this type of evidence, while MySpace follows with 15%, Twitter at 5%, and other choices listed by 14%. Check out my earlier blog post on how social networking can wreck your divorce for more details.

The bottom line is that more people are using social networking websites to start an affair, and those websites are then used as evidence by their spurned husbands and wives in their subsequent divorce. So be aware that if you’re going to Facebook friend your old college girlfriend or boyfriend, your future ex-spouse will use your wall postings and “pokes” as digital evidence when you divorce.

Below is a short list of social networking mistakes people often make which can impact both divorce settlements (aka $$$) and child custody, and some suggested solutions:

1. “Showing Off”: Posting photos or comments about your latest vacation to Martha’s Vineyard, or the Hermes bag you just got might make you feel good, but it could also color the court’s opinion of your finances, spending habits, etc.

2. “Letting It All Hang Out”: If you are locked in a custody battle, and your lawyer paints you as the “prefers to spend Friday night at home with a good book” type, make sure your soon to be ex can’t refute that image with an endless slideshow of you partying with bottles of tequila/rum/vodka in your hands.

3. “Getting Tagged”: While taking down the party photos you posted yourself, remove the photos your friends tagged you in where you’re passed out in the corner of a bar drooling all over yourself.

4. “Venting”: While slandering the judge, attorneys, or soon to be ex-spouse on your own or other peoples “pages” is tempting, you’re better off following the “if you don’t have anything nice to say….” adage, since venting may ultimately be used against you.

5. “Cutting Off Everyone At Once”: While natural instinct might be to immediately excommunicate the soon to be ex in-laws and any friend remotely associated with the soon to be ex-spouse, slowly weeding them out may look less suspicious (unless the divorce is already a bloodbath, in which case mass excommunication is A-OK).

And here are a few final warnings, designed to help you get through the divorce process with few bruises, bumps and scars, and the best looking balance sheet possible:

1. “What You Say Can and Will Be Used Against You”: If you aren’t prepared to stand up in court and present/communicate/show it, DON’T put it on Facebook.

2. “Beware of Your Frenemies”: Most divorcing couples’ mutual friends choose or are forced to choose sides at some point. So, if you wouldn’t say it directly to the soon to be ex-spouse, DON’T say it to anyone who might tell them (the “better safe than sorry” strategy).

3. “A Picture May Be Worth Big Bucks”: Don’t let a photo of you on an Aruban beach, groping the half naked “friend” with whom you swore in court you had a STRICTLY platonic relationship, double your alimony payments (or halve them if you’re the alimony “payee”).

4. “Privacy, Privacy, Privacy”: Social networking sites have privacy settings. Find them, learn them, and most importantly USE THEM.

The most prominent recent example is Tiger Woods: After allegedly carrying on secret affairs with numerous women over several years, he was finally undone by text messages sent to Rachel Uchitel, the first mistress to be unveiled. A friend of hers told the National Enquirer about the affair, claiming she had seen incriminating text messages. The published rumors likely led to Tiger’s fight with his wife, Elin Nordegren, and subsequent car accident. For further embarrassment, another one of Tiger’s mistresses, Jaimee Grubbs, then gave illicit text messages incriminating Tiger to US Weekly, which then published them.

Most cheating spouses probably don’t have to worry about their “sext” messages being published in a tabloid magazine, but this story should still send shivers down a texting adulterer’s spine. It’s clear that as with emails, text messages can be retrieved. Even if both the sender and receiver delete the incriminating text message from their phone, communications providers like AT&T and Verizon store them for up to a few weeks.

According to this article in the New York Times, text messages are now considered proof of an affair in a court of law. Although cell phones are considered private property, if a cheating spouse’s cell phone is part of a family calling plan or often left unlocked and unattended around the house, a suspecting partner could legally be justified in checking the messages.

Many Bluevision clients live in Connecticut, where spouses seeking divorce have the option of filing for divorce under fault grounds or no fault. Under the no fault provision, the spouse seeking a divorce might cite as the grounds for divorce “irreconcilable differences”, “incompatibility”, or simply that the marriage itself is “irretrievably broken”. Alternatively, the spouse could file for divorce under one of the following fault grounds:

• Adultery
• A separation for 18 months or more
• Fraudulent contract
• Willful desertion for one year
• Seven years absence when the spouse has not been heard from
• Habitual intemperance (i.e., active alcoholism)
• Intolerable cruelty
• Sentence to life imprisonment
• Conviction of a crime involving conjugal duty which is punishable with imprisonment for at least a year (these are sex crimes)
• Legal confinement in a hospital or institution for mental illness for an accumulated period of 5 years within the last six years

The court may take those grounds into consideration when deciding issues of custody, alimony, child support, and division of property. But here is the key point that many clients misunderstand: The court can take any of the marital circumstances into consideration even in the case of no fault divorces. That means that even if a spouse files citing that the marriage suffered an “irretrievable breakdown”, the spouse can still present evidence of the circumstances that led to the breakdown, and the court can consider that evidence when determining the outcome of the divorce.

There are two legal theories that dictate how marital property is divided: equitable distribution and community property. Most states, including Connecticut, use equitable distribution, but nine states have community property laws: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin. In community property states, all property acquired by the couple during the marriage is divided equally. However, in equitable distribution states, the court may consider outside factors when dividing the assets and property. In Connecticut, the court can consider the following:

• The length of the marriage
• The age and physical and emotional health of the spouses
• The income or property brought to the marriage by each spouse
• The standard of living established during the marriage
• Any written agreement made by the spouses before or during the marriage concerning property distribution
• The economic situation of each spouse at the time the division of property becomes effective
• The income and earning potential of each spouse
• The contribution by each spouse to the education, training or earning power of the other spouse
• The contribution of each spouse as to the acquisition of any marital property as well as the contribution of a spouse as a homemaker
• The tax consequences to each spouse
• The present value of any marital property
• The need for the custodial parent to remain in the marital home and keep possession of household effects
• The marital debts and liabilities and the ability of each spouse to pay those debts
• Any other factors the court may feel are relevant

Frequently, clients mistakenly believe that if they are not seeking divorce under fault grounds, then there is no reason for them to spend the time or money gathering evidence of the marital circumstances which led to divorce (such as adultery or alcohol abuse) . But, for clients living in equitable distribution states, the reality is that the court can take into consideration any evidence or testimony that is relevant to the marital conditions, even for no fault divorces. Check on the specific laws in your state to understand what factors a court can consider, as they may differ by state. While we are not lawyers at Bluevision, we think it’s important to understand the legal implications of the cases we manage. We also make sure that our clients consider the key aspects of their case, so that our investigative services can help them achieve the best possible outcome.